ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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