i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
