There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
