I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
