I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
