Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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