just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
