DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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