we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
