he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
