It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
