i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
