u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
