I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
