I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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