I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
