we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
