I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
