There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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