boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
