doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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