***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
