Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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