if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
