I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Please, let me fuck your mom
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
