ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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