It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just googled if crying burns calories
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
