guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
