she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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