The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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