i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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