well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
