are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
