Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
