Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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