My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
