I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
