i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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