I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
