I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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