3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
