the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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