everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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