saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
