he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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