so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
