My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
