I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
