whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
