i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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