I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
