the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
