He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
