I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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