Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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