He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need water and some morals
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
