so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
