I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
