There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
