I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
