if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
