Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
