He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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