I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize